strangers 252am

i had surgery yesterday. laser removal surgery on my tattoo. i got on the train and went by myself, cried my eyes out and bit the fuck out of my hand. it hurts alot...my tattoo that once read hope in cursive looks like a five year old wrote it, and it has burn marks all over it. i cant believe my parents are making me do this shit. 3rd session. only 5-9 left. woo. im so broke, and i want this dress really bad, which fucking sucks. i came home this morning on the train, i watched people the entire time. people on the train are by far the most interesting and diverse group of people to observe. i wished i had my sketchbook so i could remember their faces, and the stories that their faces were telling me. but now its just a blur of strangers.

the house is being settled...and the move out date is january 12th. i go back to school the 20th. if i could have anything in the world, i would have this house. putting a date on this makes it so real. i am so terribly distraught over this i cant even breathe thinking about it. my dog sarge is laying on my hardwood floor with his cute little eyes blinking closed and his paws twitching, i am going to miss him. he loves me so much and i dont know why, thats probably why i love him so much, he showers me with attention and will only cuddle with me. i love him and he makes me feel special. work back here in my hometown sucked. i only made 30$ in tips from party hostessing, and i did really good. i need to get a job at hooters or bartending or something. its getting ridiculous how broke i am. and in 2 months i will be out of this house forever and my parents will be gone. along with my childhood and i have no money to take care of myself. awesome. this fucking sucks, i dont know how else to say it. the people who buy our house can go fuck themselves. i need a drink. tomorow i shall buy a massive amount of alcohol before returning to college. totally aware im a functioning alcoholic...it happens. and i cant wait for joe to come home so i can fuck him. fuck all this bullshit.